I've been wanting to blog for a while now and haven't been able to just sit down and do it. Last week I was sick--so sick. I haven't been that sick in a long time. I just felt awful for 5 days and it felt like an eternity. I spent most of that time on the couch or in my bed while my kids watched tons of TV. I kept wishing I could just sleep and sleep but I couldn't so I'd lay there trying to sleep. I didn't have any books that I felt up to reading until one day when I turned to my blog books. I loved reading some of them again. I was amazed at the ways that we were able to see the kids' personalities developing when they were so tiny and how clearly we can see those traits today. I laughed about the cute little sayings that I'd forgotten about. I loved the pictures of my kids with their chubby little cheeks that are thinning out more and more every day. I'm so thankful for those books and that I have taken the time to blog these last 8 years. I felt more motivation to keep it going.
Another thing that I kept thinking while reading was, "Man, what happened to me?" In some ways I feel like I have really gotten lazy. I used to be so driven to teach my preschoolers and take time for them and now I often feel like I'm coming up with ways to keep them busy with something so I can do other things. And my poor girls--I sometimes feel like they get so little of my time now that they need a lot less (do they?). Simply calling this laziness is not being very gentle (or honest) with myself. This last year has been really hard for me. I've been depressed a lot and some days it was all I could do just to cope with day-to-day life. I needed help and thankfully I was able to get it and began to feel the fog lifting. I had some great, honest talks with some people which helped me so much too. Just being more open about it helps a lot (hence this post, I guess). But, it has been kind of a rough year. Who knew my 30's would start off with such a bang? Geez.
Anyway, I'm at a point now where I do feel like things are possible. I am seeing some bad habits that I have developed that have not helped me to feel better and I'm trying to find ways to change them. I started to feel this panic sometimes when my kids would approach me with demands or questions so I just started to park them in front of the TV or the computer more often than I should have to avoid those moments. Or, I'd numb my own unpleasant feelings by scrolling through facebook or whatever. Anyway, I'm currently in the middle of a social media fast I've been doing during the month of May. I don't know what I was expecting but I honestly don't think it's made a huge impact in my life. It has definitely helped, though. I've certainly read a lot more books this month than I normally would have because I'd often be on the computer at night. I started to notice the times when I'd really want to get on and it tended to be when I was feeling lonely or isolated. The problem with going on facebook or instagram when I'm feeling like that is that it doesn't tend to help at all. I do miss seeing updates from family and friends, though, and I will be glad to be connected that way again. I'm definitely hoping to keep it in check better, though. If nothing else, it's been a good exercise in self control.
I could still do better with the kids. Nate spends way too much time playing Wii or playing on the computer while Eli sleeps. Eli is so nice to me and takes like 2-3 hour naps every day (he does have trouble going down at night but I'm not ready to give up the naps). It's so easy for me to just take the whole time for myself to nap or read or whatever but that adds up to a lot of media time for Nate. Plus I miss out on good one-on-one time with him. We do sometimes play Wii together--he loves that. Or we'll play board games when Eli's not around to mess it up. I also try to make him have an hour of quiet time but I haven't been as regular about that so he fights it. One thing that I have managed to stick to pretty consistently, even during my hard times, is to make Nate practice reading before he can have media time. It has made such a difference and he is turning into a great reader. We started out just having him read a few words or pages in the book but now he can read whole easy reader books to me. Just last Sunday he was able to give a talk in Primary all by himself! He did great.
Life is good. Here are some little things that make it so good...
I keep posting all of Nate's selfies but I can't help myself.
I have so many of them and they make me happy.
Nate also took this one of me folding laundry and I like it, even if it is blurry:
It's fun to get a glimpse of yourself during plain old regular life. :)
Here's a sign Nate made:
It says "no enchrints" (no entrance) :)
One of Nate's favorite things right now is to hang up all of his favorite pictures he's made in his room. I should probably try to contain them all to one area eventually but for now it's pretty cute.
This is over his bed:
He and Natalie even made Eli some pictures to hang up over his bed:
Here is what's on his door:
He made copies of some of his favorite books to hang up. He also made an "I love Eli" sign, and then made one for Eli to hang up for Nate! :)
Here is the top of his door. He calls this the "place of honor":
Of course it's full of Mario stuff. I love that you can find any kind of coloring pages you'd ever want online.
Natalie and Nate were having a duel one night with their wands and I thought it was hilarious how they were holding them. Also, Eli had to join in with his cape and wand:
Excuse the dirty window. :)
One day Eli was pointing at this family picture and said, "Me!"
No, it's not you, but it looks just like you!
Another gorgeous sunrise one morning:
One Sunday evening, the kids put on a Royal Cute Show starring Prince Babyness the Third (Eli). They passed out invitations and everything. Basically they helped Eli show us different things he could do, like riding his little bike and jumping on the trampoline. It was really cute and we got a video of it.
Here's the picture before the performance:
Elizabeth didn't make it in the picture but she helped, too.
I got a call one day that they were in need of someone to coach Natalie's soccer team. I didn't really have much of an excuse so I said I'd do it. Joe and I haven't really put in our time with our kids' sports yet. It ended up being a lot of fun and I'm glad I did it. It took up a lot of time, too, so I was glad when it was over. Luckily it was a short season through the city so it was low key and over in a month. I was impressed that the girls, for the most part, were all getting into the games and really trying. It was hard to teach them much beyond the basics, though, so they were still playing bunch ball. Sadly, we were only able to win one game but some games were pretty close. I think they had fun, though, so hopefully they won't give up on soccer yet. It was a lot of fun having that time with Natalie, especially. She really played hard and had some great shots. She played goalie for one half, too, and had three saves, all with her feet! She kept forgetting to use her hands. She loved playing forward and really ran hard. She is pretty fast.
Here's the official pictures:
Three girls didn't make it to pictures. They were a fun group of girls.
April was a busy month for us because Elizabeth was in softball, too. She expressed an interest in playing softball so we seized it and signed her up. Sadly, they didn't have many girls sign up so they ended up combining a bunch of age groups. She ended up playing with 13 year-olds who'd been playing their whole lives so of course there was a huge difference in ability. She was the second youngest on the team and had never played before so it was a little rough. She didn't love it and complained about going but she made it through. I think it was good for her to have some more experience with a team sport. She got one hit on her first at bat but the pitcher caught it and she was out. Sadly, she didn't get any more hits. She read the pitches well, though, and got walked a lot so she scored some runs. She went up against some really tough pitchers. We were very proud of her and it was fun watching her play.
I didn't get any still pictures of her games but I do have her official picture:
I love that picture. :)
One day the boys went out to cheer for Joe while he mowed the lawn.
I thought it was adorable:
I caught this little series one day, too, while Joe was helping Eli with his foot.
I love it so much.
That boy sure loves his daddy.
I sure love them both.
