War and Peace

I did it. I finally finished War and Peace. It took me a long time but I'm happy to say that I finished it. As for whether I liked it or not, that's kind of up in the air. I really liked parts of it. Other parts dragged on and on. The "war" parts were the most difficult for me to get through. My family was laughing at me for that--after all, "war" is in the title. I suppose I should have expected a lot of war-related content. I don't think I would have minded the war chapters if Tolstoy didn't spend so much time postulating on his view of history and the underlying causes behind wars and other historical events.

I really liked Anna Karenina so I thought that I would like this just as much. Nope. I still think I would give it 3 stars, though, just because I really liked the characters and felt invested in their lives. I also love the moral/spiritual themes in Tolstoy's books. For example, Prince Andrey in this book goes from almost an atheistic view of the world to a deep faith in God. Also, family life is shown as the setting for true happiness and fulfillment.

There was a section near the end that I really liked. It describes Natasha, my favorite character. She changes from being a young, naive girl, who likes to be admired for her beauty to a devoted wife and mother with real depth of character.

Here's the first part:

"Natasha did not follow the golden rule preached by so many prudent persons, especially by the French (zing!), that recommends that a girl on marrying should not neglect herself, should not give up her accomplishments, should think even more of her appearance than when a young girl, and should try to fascinate her husband as she had fascinated him before he was her husband... Natasha troubled herself little about manners or delicacy of speech; nor did she think of showing herself to her husband in the most becoming attitudes and costumes, nor strive to avoid worrying him by being over-exacting. She acted in direct contravention of all those rules. She felt that the arts of attraction that instinct had taught her to use before would now have seemed only ludicrous to her husband, to whom she had from the first moment given herself up entirely, that is with her whole soul, not keeping a single corner of it hidden from him. She felt that the tie that bound her to her husband did not rest on those romantic feelings which had attracted him to her, but rested on something else undefined, but as strong as the tie that bound her soul to her body."

Here's an interesting one:

"The subject in which Natasha was completely absorbed was her family, that is, her husband, whom she kept such a hold on so that he should belong entirely to her, to his home and her children, whom she had to carry, to bear, to nurse and to bring up.

"And the more she put, not her mind only, but her whole soul, her whole being into the subject that absorbed her, the more that subject seemed to enlarge under her eyes, and the feebler and the more inadequate her own powers seemed for coping with it, so that she concentrated them all on that one subject, and still had not time to do all that seemed to her necessary.

"There were in those days, just as now, arguments and discussions on the rights of women, on the relations of husband and wife, and on freedom and rights in a marriage, though they were not then, as now, called questions. But these questions had no interest for Natasha, in fact she had absolutely no comprehension of them.

"Those questions, then as now, existed only for those persons who see in marriage only the satisfaction the married receive from one another, that is, only the first beginnings of marriage and not all its significance, which lies in the family."

And here's another passage a little later that talks about how she saw the best in her husband and reflected that view back to him (I left out her husband's name below to avoid spoiling anything for anyone who may want to read this):

"After seven years of married life, (husband's name) had a firm and joyful consciousness that he was not a bad fellow, and he felt this because he saw himself reflected in his wife. In himself he felt all the good and bad mingled together, and obscuring one another. But in his wife he saw only what was really good; everything not quite good was left out. And this result was not reached by logical thought, but by way of a mysterious, direct reflection of himself."

Anyway, good stuff. I love reading books filled with characters that are flawed and real and yet make me want to be a better person. I love finding truth that resonates with me in a book I am reading.

Now, on to something lighter... :)

Beating the Heat

We got to go to fun BBQ last week at a local spray ground. Our friends who are graduating 3rd years planned it as a kind of going away party since they are all moving. We miss all of you guys! Thank you for making the transition into law school easier for me and for all of your help. Mostly, thanks for being my friends this past year.

The girls had a grand time running through the water and playing with their friends (and wandering away from me... it was pretty crowded and we had a few scares when we couldn't find Natalie). Joe had a final and couldn't make it.

I love the pure joy captured in this picture (too bad she's blurry)

Elizabeth playing in the spray
(Notice the girl in the background with her same swimming suit)

Running around with friends

We've been swimming a lot lately, too. It has been really hot. One day I just let them run around in the sprinklers. I need to let them do that more often. They love it and could do it for hours.

Also, I wanted to record some moments in the past couple of days that I've loved. During church yesterday, Elizabeth was being very snuggly with me and sat on my lap for awhile. I was really enjoying it and thinking about my job as her mother. I told her that I hoped I could be a good mommy to her because of what a special girl she is. She then told me, "I love you, Mom, no matter what." It was a sweet moment for me. She is such a loving girl and is so good at expressing her love to lift those around her.

Today Natalie fell off her chair at lunch and bumped her head pretty hard. I was holding her and trying to calm her down. Elizabeth was trying different things to cheer her up but none were working. I asked her if I could get her anything and she just asked so sadly, "Mommy, can you help me feel better?" It was one of those heartbreaking moments when I wanted so much to take the pain away but I couldn't so I just tried to do my best to comfort her. It's moments like that where I realize how much our Father in Heaven loves us and how much he wants us to turn to Him for comfort. It is so hard to watch your children suffer, even from a little bump, but I know that all suffering can teach us and help us draw closer to God.

Finally, I realized the other day that I haven't posted any ultrasound pictures of our little guy. This picture is one that I didn't fully appreciate for awhile. When the doctor was doing the ultrasound, I kept hoping that he would switch to 3-D to get some pictures since they had done that at our last ultrasound. We especially got some good looks at his face but they never switched to 3-D. I was kind of bugged. After seeing this one on our fridge for awhile, I was finally able to appreciate what a cool picture it is, 3-D or not.


We can't wait to see what his little face looks like outside of my tummy. Hopefully we'll eventually figure out a name for him, too. Joe and I were brainstorming last night and seriously couldn't come up with any that either of us really liked. It's frustrating for me to not even have any possibilities. I don't know why boys names are so hard for us. Oh well, I'm sure we'll figure it out when we need to.

Grandma time, haircuts and Mother's Day

The girls and I took a trip up to Greenwood last week to visit my mom. She has been staying there while my parents' house is being remodeled. We had such a great time with Grandma and Joe appreciated the uninterrupted time to study for finals.

We mostly just relaxed but we also went on walks, ate good food, and let the kids play in the hot tub. Here's some pictures:

Elizabeth is in a major posing phase right now.
I thought this one was pretty funny:

Posing again with a thumbs up
This is what happens when I tell Elizabeth to put her arm around Natalie.
What can I say--Natalie likes her personal space.
Much happier with Grandma in between them

We had such a fun time. Thanks again Mom for being so good to us!

I also cut both of the girls' hair the other day. It was Natalie's first hair cut. It was a pretty difficult process for all of us but we survived somehow and the haircuts aren't too horrible. Elizabeth was upset with how short her hair was even though she was the one who suggested cutting it shorter. I think she likes it now, luckily.

I thought this series of pictures was kind of funny.
Once again it illustrates Elizabeth's love for posing.

I love these little beauties

I had such a nice Mother's Day yesterday, too. Joe made me a yummy breakfast and the girls sang to me and made me cards. Elizabeth's card was so cute so I scanned it in:

The front of the card (us holding hands)

The inside:

My thoughtful girl posing again, this time as a favor to mom

I am so thankful for my girls. They make me so happy every single day. I can't imagine life without them. I really am so lucky to able to spend every day with them. I'm so thankful that they love me so unconditionally, even when I'm a grouch. They have taught me so much about pure, Christ-like love. I'm so thankful to be a mother and to have another little one growing inside of me.

I'm so thankful for my mom. I have the best mom in the world. I really do. I'm so thankful for her love and confidence in me and for all that she teaches me even still. When we were putting the girls to bed last night, they were asking for stories and I decided to talk about some memories with my mom when I was little and then Joe talked about his mom. Joe mentioned how he always loved the song "Love is Spoken Here" when he was young and especially the beginning part about the mother praying for her family. He felt like that part described how he felt about his mom perfectly. I always felt the same way, too. I am so blessed to have a wonderful mother and mother-in-law, as well as grandmothers and so many other amazing women in my life. I hope I can live up to their examples.

The Details

So, I can finally talk about being pregnant on the blog. Now you're in for it because I probably won't stop :).

First off, my due date is September 28th. I don't think they will let me go farther than 37 weeks, though, since it is a scheduled c-section, so that puts us in early September. Of course that is all assuming I make it full term this time. The big IF. We're shooting for September and hopefully we'll make it. There have been some extra precautions that haven't been taken before and I'm exercising more than in previous pregnancies, which can't hurt, so there is some reason to hope. They did notice in the ultrasounds that one of my uterine arteries is abnormal which can be a predictor for pre-eclampsia but considering my track record we obviously knew it was likely to happen anyway. So, "it's consistent with my history" as they say. I like the OB and the perinatologists I am seeing, even if I do get a lot more "why are you having another child?"-type of questions here in California.

If I could describe this pregnancy in one word it would be "shots". I guess "pokes" to be more accurate. The regular blood thinner shots, a new weekly shot, regular blood draws, etc. But, we knew what we were signing up for so I have no right to complain.

And, if the end result is a healthy baby boy (and a healthy me), all the precautions will have been so much more than worth it. We are SO excited to be having a boy. We would have been just as excited either way of course but I'm feeling ready for the challenge a boy will bring. He kicks a lot, so I sometimes worry that he's going to be super active but that's a good thing right? I'm only 18 1/2 weeks but Joe already felt him kick a week or two ago and Elizabeth almost did one time, too. She's really excited to feel him kick. It just so happened that she changed her mind about two days before the ultrasound and decided she wanted a boy so she was thrilled when we told them. Even though Natalie was saying she wanted a girl right before we told her, she still jumped up and down and said "Yay!" so she wasn't too hard to please either. Right afterwards, though, she asked, "Did the baby come out?" That was kind of a let down for her. :)

I actually had more morning sickness this time than my previous pregnancies. I decided that I get sick differently every time. With Elizabeth, it was all Joe-related. I think I only threw up once when he wasn't around and it would strike at random times throughout the whole pregnancy. It wasn't his smell or anything, just something about being with him. Luckily, that didn't happen again. With Natalie, all I remember is that I wasn't as sick and that it was mostly trying to swallow my prenatals that would make me throw up. This time, I had the food-related nausea, which is really not fun. I was spolied before, I guess. It really stinks when you can't enjoy eating at all. Luckily, that is mostly over now and things are good.

Anyway, all is well so far. We are feeling very blessed and are so excited.