Spinning

I had one of those mornings today.  One of my biggest struggles during this phase of my life is deciding how I will spend my time.  Perhaps this will always be one of my biggest struggles; maybe it will just look a little different later on.  I don't know.  All I know is that I sometimes feel that my mind is just spinning and spinning and I can't get it to stop and settle down.  I spend so much time worrying about what to do next that I can't seem to get much of anything done.  Sometimes it's just that I'm keeping so much in my head--lists of things that need to get done, stuff I need to get, schedules, meals, etc--that my head feels like it could explode.

After a bit of a hectic morning getting the kids off to school and Joe off to work, it was quiet again with just me and my little boys at home.  We spent some time cleaning up, like usual.  Nate wanted to play various games but somehow I managed to convince him to get dressed and get his jobs done.  I dressed Elijah while trying to persuade Nate to dress himself.  [Sidenote: It is exhausting helping a newly 4 year old get his jobs done each day.  His only jobs in the morning are get dressed, make his bed and brush his teeth.  Still, sometimes it takes all the patience I can muster to get through it.  I know it will pay off eventually but man is it hard some days.]

Finally, it is time for Elijah's nap and I have promised Nate he can watch TV for a bit.  Then, the spinning starts.  I should exercise.  I wanted to try and exercise every day this week and I haven't.  No, I should just shower while I have the chance.  Who knows how long this nap will last.  No, I should hurry and get dressed so I can spend some quality time with Nate.  My phone alerts me that I really need to pay bills.  I start paying bills and doing other stuff like that.  A bill is two days late.  How did I miss that?  I am so disorganized.  I push through and get some good, important stuff done.  I shower.  My thoughts are still spinning: Nate has watched enough TV--I should go turn it off.  No--I should go make some bread.  We are out and are fighting valiantly to stay within our food budget this month.  But, I decide that I must call a friend that means so much to me but that I have somehow managed to not call for almost a month after I said I would.  I am a terrible friend.  Oh and then there's that other friend that I haven't spoken to in months. I need to call her!  I call the first friend and have a good but short conversation since she is at work. I finish doing my hair and then remember I haven't said a prayer yet.  I kneel down and it all kind of hits me.  I end up pleading with God for some quiet--a quiet mind and heart.  I feel better after that prayer.  I remember yet again that when I set aside quiet times for reading and planning I don't seem to feel as hurried and crazed during the day.  Sometimes I still do, but usually I don't.

So, I did accomplish some good things during that nap.  But, Nate watched an awful lot of TV and I forgot that Elizabeth didn't have her lunch at school and I was supposed to bring it to her.  Oh well--the school gave her an "emergency lunch" and it was fine.  I didn't bake any bread (psh--like that was going to happen :).

What did I learn from this?  Life is a tricky balance sometimes.  We need to be gentle with ourselves and also make sure to give ourselves time to focus on what's most important.  We desperately need perspective--an eternal perspective to help guide us through this busy, crazy world we live in.  God can give us that if we just ask Him for it.  We don't have to do it alone.