Wow. Today was one for the record books. Our staying-home-all-week-long caught up to us today. Elizabeth and Natalie did not stop fighting all day. Well, maybe not all day but it sure felt like it.
What I am tired of most is the endless, endless comparisons and the need to make the other one feel bad about something. It usually goes something like this:
Sister A: My {shirt/cup/game-piece/pillow/headband/sandwich/etc.} is {better/prettier} because it {is softer/is bigger/has a bow/has a speck of some shade of pink or red/is sort of heart-shaped/is sparkly} and yours isn't.
Sister B: (Glares at Sister A.)
Sister A: (Starts fake crying) Mo-om, {Sister B} is frowning at me!
That scenario plays out about 20 times a day in our house. Literally. I guess I should count my blessings that for the most part they don't hit or kick each other (they do do that occasionally). Part of me almost would prefer that, though. Maybe if they got kicked they would learn faster not to say those kinds of things.
Here are two examples from today.
I was at my wits end already by about 11am so I decided they were healthy enough to at least make a Costco run just to get out of the house. They were excited because they love Costco and I told them we could eat lunch there. Less than a minute into the trip, Natalie has discovered a plastic toy key on the floor of the car and proclaims to Lizzie, "I have a toy and you don't." The usual frowning and crying follows thereafter. I threaten that we'll go back home if they fight. (I should have never made this threat since I was unwilling to follow through with it.) They fight more but I change the threat to they won't get to eat lunch there if they fight. That works some and they are actually OK for the most part at Costco. The fighting continues on the way home.
I got out the paints, in an attempt to turn around a difficult day. They love this and it occupies them for awhile. Elizabeth for some reason feels compelled to say to Natalie, "You're not a good painter because you mixed your colors." Later she tells her the rainbow she painted isn't pretty. Grrrr....
I think referee-ing the endless fighting is one of the hardest things about being a parent. It really wears on you.
I highly doubt anyone finished this post. I don't know that I even care to re-read it. Just being honest for posterity, I guess. Here's hoping they'll still be friends by the time they grow out of all of this. :)
10 comments:
I read the entire thing and all I could think is "bless her heart! I hope little Nathaniel is a mommy's boy." You are such a good mother.
right there with ya sister. we are home pretty much every day of the year and yes, it wears ya down. I have picked up a horrible mountain dew habit because of it. i figure it's about the worst thing I can do to numb the pain ;)
Chelzers knows whats up. I'm on Pepsi. You need to pick your drug Ashley. LOL!
My kids don't fight with each other...Sam just fights with me.
But do know that my brother and I fought like demons as children and I couldn't love him more now.
Let's just hope it doesn't turn into "I have a boyfriend and you don't".... yikes!
I love this post! :) Oh the drama of GIRLS!!!! I feel your pain, Ashley! We have the exact same thing at our house, so take comfort that it is completely normal. :) I agree that being a referee is the worst part of parenting; I hate it. I'm sure you handle it better than I do! You're such a great Mom.
One thing I've been experimenting with lately (in order to remove myself from the role of referee) is to tell them they have to work it out by themselves. I'm surprised how quickly they "get over it" when I'm not involved. Weird, huh? Good luck!
I feel like a referee, also. At least I know now that your kids are normal, too. I get tired of giving empty threats, and I need to learn, like you, to not threaten things that I'm not willing to follow through with. I have developed a pretty good stare that I give when I hear someone saying something mean. I do a "surprised gasp" and act like I am shocked to hear them say such a thing, which catches their attention, and then I just stare them down. That usually makes them feel bad enough to not continue.
You could start a "Nice Word Jar" or something of the sort and when you hear them saying something nice or when they hear the OTHER saying something nice they can put a poof (you know like for the warm fuzzie jar?) ball into a jar and when the jar is filled up take them for a Jamba Juice or something else they love. Just don't make the jar too big or they will loose interest. Anyway just an idea. It will get better....and then somedays it will get worse! Hang in there!
Thank you for posting this. It's nice to hear other Mom's struggle with the fighting. I keep waiting for that magic age where my girls will get along more than they fight. Then I think back to me and my sister and realize that it may not happen until one of them moves from the house. I guess the fighting is all worth it for those moments when they do play really well together.
Yeah I definitely don't look forward to that, but I'm starting out with boys, so maybe they'll hit and kick more. I guess we'll find out soon enough!
I had a similar post last week, but yours was worded WAY better. I was actually wondering about this issue in your life after your last few posts. I wondered if they fought 'cause they're always so cute and you share such wonderful stories. Glad to know they're true to kid form. They're cute and they know how to fight. ;) At least it's helpful to know we moms are all in this together.
Amen and ditto! I had several of those days last week where I wasn't feeling good and I was SOOO done with the endless battles. I'm glad I'm not the only one out there with days like these. Just knowing someone else is going through it, makes it more bearable.
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